It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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