please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
