Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
