Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
