I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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