is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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