I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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