super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
