you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
