is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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