On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
