the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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