maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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