yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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