I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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