The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
