He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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