Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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