If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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