using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
