We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
