I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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