new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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