i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
