There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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