i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
