she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
