I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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