people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
