3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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