she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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