At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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