I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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