Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
