good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
