dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
