I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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