you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
