Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
