New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
