i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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