wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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