I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
