All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
