u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
