I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
