she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
