i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
