He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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