@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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