So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
