Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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